One step at a time starts now.

I'm not sure exactly who reads people's blogs, but it seems like everyone is getting a blog, so I too must jump on the band wagon. If only to make comments on other's blogs.

So is this supposed to be theraputic? Give our lives meaning because now our lives are open to the public? I guess so, so here goes therapy session number one.

I'm going crazy.

I know a lot of new parents say this, but I really think if I have gone way beyond rock bottom and now I am just sinking in the ooze below the bottom of the rock bottom.

I actually had to repeat over and over in my head last night "never shake a baby, never shake a baby"

Oh, I have a ten month old, who is so special to me! She lights up when I come in the room, but if I do not stop to pick her up, that beautiful, adorable, wonderful smile that gives me thrills, quickly turns to screams and tears. I love that she wants me, don't get me wrong, but how do I balance say a need to do the dishes, or pick up her toys, or heavens, even just get dressed in the morning, with her on my hip!

Now that she has infultrated my waking hours with her need to be near me, have my attention or be in my arms, she has now taken over my nights. Ever since she was 6 months old she has decided nights are not for sleeping. Oh she goes to bed wonderfully! We have the cutest night time routine. She eats dinner, we play for a bit to get all those extra wiggles out, then she takes a bath, splashes her water at me and eats her washcloth. We put her "sleepy time" lotion on (waste of money people!) brush her teeth (she is actually getting good at that) comb her hair and go downstairs. There we meet up with Daddy, say our bedtime prayers, and Daddy leaves so Mommy can read her a story. Then she curls up in bed with her little duck and her beautiful baby blanket and falls fast asleep. *sigh* SO cute!

Until midnigt or 2 am. Then all hell breaks loose for the next 4-5 hours! Crying on and off....no I'm wrong, SCREAMING on and off until early morning.

Have you tried.....?

YES! EVERYTHING!

The "crying it out" method for 3 weeks. For those not in the "know" this consists of letting you child scream their head off while you sit in the next room eyes wide, knuckles white, pretending you don't hear a thing. After 3 weeks of this horrible, against my better judgement, waste of 3 weeks, she was still SCREAMING all night. (I emphasize SCREAMING because I want you to understand my pain.

Humidifiers, walks with Daddy, bottle, no bottle, no bedtime routine, awesome bedtime routine (the only thing that changed was her willingness to fall asleep in the first place) no naps (yikes!) too many naps, making her bedtime later, making it earlier, letting her just come up and play with us till she wanted to sleep again, watching movies, cuddling with her, co-sleeping, sleeping on the floor, in her crib, sleeping naked, extra layers, patting her back, night light, no night light, those silly little crib toys, ignoring her, running to her, picking her up, not picking her up, suctioning out her nose, tylenol, doctors, friends, my mother-in-law (she of course CAN get her to sleep through the night, just not me...maybe I'll will Makayla to her until she's 3....)

If I have missed anything that you can suggest PLEASE let me know. I am running on no sleep. My teeth are on edge! I look disheveled. I practically passed out yesterday at 5 pm, then screamed at my husband for taking her out of bed at 10 that night. (Sorry sweetie!)

I feel only slightly better, maybe there is something to this theraputic blogging, maybe someone wonderful person will read this and take pity on me and have THE answer, the thing we haven't tried. And like magic she won't scream anymore during the night.

Or maybe someone will just say, "Nope, that's the life of a parent. You're the stupid idiot who decided to go have a baby in the first place"
*sigh*
either way, at least it is off my chest right?

So until our next therapy session.
Thank you.

And thanks for not charging me an arm and a leg :-)